Invinsible

“Always the best ex-girlfriend never the best girlfriend,” Sound like a quote I am bound to live with it. Thank god in life it never ends just being the girlfriend or ex-girlfriend. Quite tired of hiding behind a bush or in a closet just to hide from my friend’s girlfriends or their admirer, apparently I can never be seen because either they’ll be jealous of me or I’ll be jealous of them. Of course I’d be jealous; I’m the one hiding in a closet because I cannot be called to public just as a friend. I’m annoyed honestly. It’s easier for me to explain my status but it is never easy to explain theirs. Is it hard to just understand who I am? I play ball with the men, I play futsal with the dudes and I hang with the boys. But I will always remain that person. Wearing a cap, dressing like a girl and acknowledged by the world as one I’d be forgotten by name because my appearance doesn’t count for who I am in person. Sickening don’t you think? I came to live with it. My head is screaming out, “DAMN!” My heart is whispering, “What else is new?” Need I walk around with shorts and t-shirts everyday of my life to be remembered who I am? At times, it is a compliment; then again, it becomes an insult. I guess it’s true when I wished to be called beautiful by not of the way I look but just the way I live up to my nature of sports and how I play the game. If a person just looks at me by that way, I’ll be gorgeous but when they see me as a girl, I’m invisible. Damn the world! These long hair needs to be cut sometimes I wish I was a boy at least people would take notice of me and I feel nothing towards a “relationship” then again, being me already I still feel nothing towards a “relationship”. My father calls me boy sometimes, it is because I do tend to dress like one but it’s only to hide myself. I am afraid of being ugly in person hence why I wish people to acknowledge me by my capabilities on the court or in a field. I’m better off that way. At least I can be proud of who I am when I am on the court. The feel of having the ball in your hands, you take control of what you want to do. Choose your way; to cut, to shoot or pass. You set the play in the court. I can’t seem to do that in real life. I can’t set the play of my life, just not yet at least.