Love? Blood?

20 years of sisterhood thrown away just like that. Neither of us knows the real story of what happened except those who experienced it. To believe own flesh and blood is too much for some, believe in stranger knew for a year more is easier to others. I’ve written about this before I cannot believe I am writing about it again.

On that day, the game was at play. In a game, body contact is allowed but apologies or mere compassion is much obliged. Instead ego and rage played that night. I was pushed from behind, I fell. I was upset for the foul play. It was a dirty push. I’ve played with men before that was low even for you. Didn’t bother to dust me off or ask am I okay. I got up and pushed him back out of anger. She came running from behind. I guess deep down I hoped and wished she came to back me up. Sadly, no. She defended him. 20 years of sisterhood pushed aside all over again.

I guess blinded by anger, she believed everything he had to say and heard nothing from my side at all. He said my father pushed him back where it was only I who touched him that night before he left the field. He said, he never pushed me, then why would I deliberately fall flat on my face? I’m searching for my sister. The one I grew up with. The one who said she’ll back me up no matter what it is. That one.

I went down this road once. It was with a different guy. Honest to god, that guy is much better. At least he still has respect for me despite how much we hate each other’s guts. Doesn’t she see the reasons why I despise his gut are for her own sake? I want my sister back. The one I still bathe with until now. The one I call my sister proudly.

You’ve chosen the men you love over me more than once includes this. I just can’t believe you are willing to sacrifice us for this. I somehow thought you are much of a better person than that. Being the eldest doesn’t make you the wisest. You cry when I felt no remorse for what I’ve done before. Don’t you feel any remorse for what you are doing now?

You think that the people in this house are ganging up on you. When, you are just pulling yourself away from us. Where are you my sister? Where are you? As much as I hate his guts I still accept him for being who you want to be with. I’ve never question your actions to you. I merely keep my mouth shut and let you live your life as long as he doesn’t hurt me or you. On that day, couldn’t you see? He crossed the line. He pushed your little sister and didn’t apologise for it. You are actually on his side applauding the fact that he did such thing.

Where are you my so called sister? Have you forgotten who were at your bedside when you drenched the pillows with you tears for whom had left you? We, you call your family came to calm you and please you so we could see such smiles back on your face. When it comes to a choice between family and love there is no choice to be made. I can’t hate you for what you chose. I don’t hate you for it. I question myself why more than I question you why. Where are you?